Soooo yeah....

So today I got some work done on the EF costume. I made the vest in wool, the wool now needs coloring and then I can finish of the details on it. But yeah, I hand sewed the damned thing, because the look I wanted on it required it. I had a nice long talk with Ning and Lin, got to know quite a lot about them. Then I played around with my music and after four-five days of almost only Red Hot Chili Peppers I am now done with them for a while. Back to Rammstein. *Drool*

In a week I am going to Amsterdam. I am kind of exited, it is acctually happening. When Cheryl and I started talking about it I thought it was just another of Cheryl's crazy ideas. I didn't get around to being exited about it until I acctually bought the ticket. And Anton is getting time of work to be with me(Cheryl got a job so she couldn't come after all, I'll rant about that later), which is nice. I was prepared to see Amsterdam by myself, but a guide wouldn't be bad. If nothing else I'll have some one to carry me home.

Have you ever felt that you love someone so much that you there is no way you can tell them? I had that experience today. I was going out to play with my poi and then I saw my dad standing there in the last rays of sunset watching the horses, and I realised that I love him a lot. More than I can ever tell him I think. I know I often complain about how often my dad and I fight and how much he can hurt me. I have realised why, it is because I love him so much I can't stand to see the disapointment in his eyes. That is why I haven't told him about my grades, and why it took me 8 years to get around to telling him I am bi (yeah, I have known for that long), what he thinks of me really matters. Most people I can manage not to care about what they think, but a few, my dad, Thomas, Bunny, yeah you know who you are, if I ever feel that I let them down, that I am not what they deserve as a daughter or friend, that's when I shatter, and that rope starts to look real friendly. Normally when I break, all it takes is some ice cream, chocolate or a hug to glue me back together. A shattered me however takes more. It takes a long time to heal from those, and it is something I have to do on my own, very often spending large amounts of time alone. I have had to do it often enough to know.

And then lastly, before I completely go on a Red Hot break. For my friends, you know who you are, this is how I feel about you: