Feeling Off...

I know I shouldn't do this to myself. But I am. A few days ago I discovered the Abney Park song Downtrodden. I like it. I relate to it. It pinpoints how I feel. And like only a few of my songs manages, it instantly changed my mood. I realize that the lyrics, I try to be different, I try to avoid the mold. But you know what, that doesn't help. And as the song says, I am tired of guilt, and I am tired of trying to be that better person. Yes, this relates to the last post. I am tried of being nice. I want to be selfish, if only for a little while. God, I am tried...


Once I was complete,
The earth, firm, under my feet,
My back was strong, my body fleet,
Now I ache allover.

I learned each virtue I was told
I worked hard to avoid the mold
But as I saw my life unfold
There was no place for me.

It was hard when I begun,
Each day harder it has become.
My only future was undone,
And nothing has replaced it.

There is nothing left to gain,
All that's left is to maintain.
Just to stand is too much strain,
But there is nothing else

I once believed in everything,
I once had faith in my ring,
Of my own world I was the king,
And now I am a beggar

I'm tired guilt, I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired of work, and finished trying.
I'm tired of living, and scared of dying.
But there is nothing else

I've been beat, I've been broken
I asked for a place, the world has spoken
I was asleep, but now that I've woken,
I preferred my dream.

It will take great strength to pull me through,
This challenge unseen, which I must do.
To make a "me" I never knew,
But I'm already spent.

-Downtrodden by Abney Park