Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here'’s not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed but
I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it'’s time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me right beneath my skin
It's like I'm paranoid lookin'’ over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It'’s like I can'’t stop what I'’m hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
I know I'’ve got a face in me
points out all the mistakes to me
-Linkin Park, Papercut
Something in here'’s not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed but
I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it'’s time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me right beneath my skin
It's like I'm paranoid lookin'’ over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It'’s like I can'’t stop what I'’m hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
I know I'’ve got a face in me
points out all the mistakes to me
-Linkin Park, Papercut
I like Linkin Park, you might have gotten that by now if you have read through most of the stuff here. They have a lot of lyrics I relate to, especialy in times like right now, when my nerves is held constant preassure at school, all the new people and a freindship that is going to hell. I am loosing all my freinds it seems. I miss good, old FH 202. Well, Things change, I change. I guess I'll just have to give up this friendship. One more week and I'll have discuss this with my (ex-?)friend. Hmm ...
I have this little voice inside my head, telling me all sorts of stuff that I do not want to hear. It is like the song says, a voice that see everything and laugh of my mistakes. It makes me remember them and make me believe everybody else do too, and that they laugh of me too. Sometimes I wish I could just forget it all and never be forced to remember. There is so many things I do not want to know. So many facts I wish I was not aware of.
I am like an onion, for every layer you peel away there is another underneath. Nobody knows what's under all those layers of shield. Because that is what my layers are, shields. They hide me from the outside world, and from the voice inside my head, they keep me from getting hurt. I do not normally lower my defences around people. There are some few I do it with and those know who they are, I hope. But the little voice keeps asking, what if they are not your freinds. What if they do not care about you, not care about enough to come and visit. Do they really like you? Do they laugh at you behind your back? What do they say when they talk about you? Do you trust them? Can you trust them? The little voice make me paranoid, it makes me fear people. People I count as my freinds. The voice make me do and say stupid thing, just to prove myself. I am not sure who I am proving myself to, my freinds maybe? Or maybe myself?
Sometimes when I see beautiful, successful people I wonder if they have little voices inside their heads too? Little voices telling them they are a nothing too?
I have this little voice inside my head, telling me all sorts of stuff that I do not want to hear. It is like the song says, a voice that see everything and laugh of my mistakes. It makes me remember them and make me believe everybody else do too, and that they laugh of me too. Sometimes I wish I could just forget it all and never be forced to remember. There is so many things I do not want to know. So many facts I wish I was not aware of.
I am like an onion, for every layer you peel away there is another underneath. Nobody knows what's under all those layers of shield. Because that is what my layers are, shields. They hide me from the outside world, and from the voice inside my head, they keep me from getting hurt. I do not normally lower my defences around people. There are some few I do it with and those know who they are, I hope. But the little voice keeps asking, what if they are not your freinds. What if they do not care about you, not care about enough to come and visit. Do they really like you? Do they laugh at you behind your back? What do they say when they talk about you? Do you trust them? Can you trust them? The little voice make me paranoid, it makes me fear people. People I count as my freinds. The voice make me do and say stupid thing, just to prove myself. I am not sure who I am proving myself to, my freinds maybe? Or maybe myself?
Sometimes when I see beautiful, successful people I wonder if they have little voices inside their heads too? Little voices telling them they are a nothing too?
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself
-Linkin Park, By myself
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself
-Linkin Park, By myself
2 comments:
You know, I really relate to a lot of the things you're saying in this post. Could almost be my own words. Kepp on writing more often even though Higher Math is a bitch because I like reading this blog (but what do I know about HL math anyways, I took studies and got a 3 in it! :D)
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