Finally

Finally. Finally my arm is my own again. At least more or less. I haven't been wearing the bandage and cast since I came home from work. I have been good and taking it off every now and again the last few days. I was planning to keep it off for most of the day, including work, but then right before work a cold hand gripped my gut and I put it back on. There is a strange comfort in the cast. I am afraid of the joint popping back out, I know it won't happen, but the pain last Saturday was enough to make me not want to risk anything. My mucles ache, they've become infected I think. Like the doctor predicted. It will take a long while before my arm is fully my own again. But I'm going to keep pushing it. Right now, there is at least 3 cramps in my arm and two in my hand. But I keep using it because I can't let the fear of pain take over my life. I won't push my arm into those angles where my mucles stop listing to me from the pain or put any weight on it, and I'll wear the cast when I sleep tonight, but right now my arm is mine, no matter the pain.
I had a long talk with Nat today, he's one of the people I really miss. I miss his cool, calm reasoning. It helped talking to him about some issues, he didn't really say anything, I just needed to talk to him. The way he asks his questions, I really have to go digging deep inside for the true answer, not just the one I have rehearsed by now. He makes me realize things. Like that I won't become a cold heartless bitch, I don't have the natural indifference required. So it looks like I am due for more lovely love life mess, yay...

I might have a big surprise for you all tomorrow. Hihi...