So, another song I like and feel that I connect with. Temptation by Emigrate.
Emigrate has really grown on me. I guess you can call me a fan, and not only because Richard is damned hot, but because I like the music. Also the song Emigrate. The song is about leaving your country for something better, Richard himself first left East Germany for the west before the wall fell and then came back afterwards but is currently living in NYC. Actually check out this. I am not leaving Norway for good, I am Norwegian and will be until the day I die, I am very proud of being Norwegian, but it will be a long time until I go back. And I have begun to call this, Smith college, NoHo, New England, home. I have friends and loved ones here and unlike Norway I can picture myself living in the US. I don't know what that makes me. I never thought I would ever call myself American unless I was joking, but the other day when I was walking around campus and I realized this is home, the same way Flekke was, I wasn't so sure anymore. I just don't know anymore. I don't know what I am supposed to be, what I want to be or what I really am.
I just dumped into a Norwegian family visiting Smith. I heard someone speaking Norwegian and walked over and asked 'Snakker dere norsk?'(Do you speak Norwegian?) We talked for maybe 15 minutes and then I gave them my email. Sometimes I wish the admissions office would give us internationals a notice when someone from our country is visiting, it is nice to speak to someone who is from your country when you are considering a school. This group definatly seemed to like it. They had some interesting questions, especially about money and stuffs. I like being helpful.
So this weekend is filled with homework. No gaming though. I am either doing art or hanging around the UWC crowd tonight. I have stuff I want to do with art... But some of it requires Claire to get the first page of the comic done. Ah well, I guess I can do the character studies. Homework wise ; 3 problemsets due friday, two midterms due wednesday, one lab report due wednesday and a program due monday. And the server for the programming is down. And I forgot to transfer the files to my computer. Audery is going to kill me.
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Ehem, about the confused feelings of belonging:
I think most people who move away from home end up feeling this way sooner or later. It took us a few months to call Flekke home, and even then we didn't stop calling our respective childhood towns home too. We have lost our rights to call Flekke home, our parents' place is still home and most of us are in some third place now, trying to figure out where we belong.
I can't say I feel at home in Iceland. I do feel at home in the apartment where Ace and I live however. The linguistic and cultural differences between Iceland and my previous life are large enough for me to feel quite estranged, but Ace, our cat and our mutual friends make up for that. In this case, my home is a person, a situation. In the Faroe Islands, my home is the whole thing. It is so much bigger. It is a part of my core identity and I am at home no matter where I go in that country. The difference s subtle but vital. Home is where you feel that you can exist freely, where you yearn to return at the end of the day, home is where your heart is, however cliche it might sound.
Sometimes I wish Ace and I could've made our home in an English Speaking country where we would both be equally proficient in whatever we undertake. But I also know that our Nordic heritage is so important to us that we might never truly fit in, in such an environment.
You don't have to chose between your homes Tonje, because they are all an integral part of you. Flekke, the way it was in 04-06 is a part of our identity, just like our home countries, and our new learning environments.
I don't know if I make any sense, but that's how I feel. Hope it helps ^^
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