"Hello Word"

So it feels like it is forever since I have posted. I guess that is because I haven't done the riddles.. I am sorry about that, but I lost the will to do it. I am just in a don't care mood.

So a little bit on back ground on my last post because it is needed for what is going to follow. This semester have been real though. I mean not just academics but everything. My classes have been killing me and I have tried to work my ass of and failed. Then, as you know, when ever I have been talking about it I have gotten the "You don't count .." comment I was ranting about earlier. And while people might not mean it that way, or say they don't mean it that way, it feels like they are telling me that they don't care and that I should shut up. But as a friend of mine and I talked about yesterday some of it is most likely jealousy. And I can see why. I am going to have a good job after college, and I'll get a free ride or close to free ride through grad school. But at the same time I am going into a field where 95% (I think) of my coworkers will be male, only 7% of the management jobs will be held by women, and 95% of the women with a degree in my field are teaching. And the percentage of women are dropping like a rock. You know what that mean? For the rest of my life I'll to endure comments like "Oh, she only got the job/got into that grad school because she is a woman." I'll have my work degraded, stolen or simply over looked because I am a woman.
As many of you know, I have issues with not feeling good enough for people. My family, my friends, and people I respect. My greatest fear in life is that everyone I love will see what a failure I feel I am sometimes and leave me. So when I feel that my friends don't think I am good enough for them, it hits me hard. I curl up in a corner and cry. Over the course of this semester, there are certain people I like to think of as friends who have clearly given me the vibe that I am not good enough for them. That they rather spend time with other 'cooler' people. And I don't blame them, but it makes me feel like shit.
Now, what sparked that last post. Lastly I have been considering changing my major, mainly because I seem to be failing my major classes every semester. Which I think is a bad sign. But I don't know what else to do. And I am not a quiter. And that started me on a trip of 'I am not good enough'. And then some of my friends made me feel that I definatly wasn't good enough to be around. (And I trust that you know who you are, and those who are not also know.) That just threw me into a pile of self doubt so thick I am still wading to get out. It's been years since I was that far down. So yeah that is more or less that background.
But I have also been in contact with my teacher and my advisor about this changig major thing, as well as my Uncle and Hope and Claire. All people who's opinion and advise matter and that I'll take in to consideration when I make my final decision. It's not clear yet what I'll do. I'll give myself one more semester of really trying to make it work. Heck, after the talk with my teacher today, I swore that I'll try a new and better me. Maybe that will work, I hope it will, I don't want to give up.