I don't know why, but I am off. Every end of the year, ever since I heard Derek play this song at the end of year show my first year in Flekke. Strange to think of that that was now 3 years ago. I could have sworn it was two weeks. Yet so incredibly much have happened in those years, I grew up, I took resposibility, I graduated, I hurt, I felt betrayed, I felt more alone than ever before, I lost and found hope (and lost it again), I was a jerk, I broke the unwritten rules, I broke the written ones too, I lied, I was confused, I longed for home, yet found one some 3500 miles (Over 5600 km) away from where I am born, I drank, I laughed, I cried, I failed, I got back up on my feet, I disliked,I loved, I was loved, I argued, I traveled the world (5x3500 miles + 2x 5500 miles + 2x 420 miles), I found friends, I lost them, I packed down my life.

This time every year I become one of those people who live in boxes. My life is in boxes. My room is half packed down, half not, I have to do laundery, sell back my books, cash paychecks all of that joy, and I hope to be done by dinner so that the people who have said they would help me carry boxes (in exchange for sushi) can come over. I hope to take Claire out for dinner tomorrow. I want to pack and get done with it, but at the same time I don't, I want to keep this room. It is a very nice room, I have good memories from this room starting on the first night I was back. But no, I am moving room. Maybe it is about time. Change is good.

I am also starting to get nerves about Iceland, I am looking forward to it like a baby for christmas, but at the same time, I have not seen Bunny in two years. My head is spinning all these crazy why and if questions at me. It always do when I am going somewhere.

I am edgy, I know I have no reason to be, I am done god damn it (yes, feel free to curse me, I probably deserve it), but I can't stop. The tension on my internal strings is very high and I don't know why. All I know is that I don't want to be alone, yet I am close to breaking down and crying every moment. *sigh*

Well, will go brush teeth now and pack, maybe have a last cup of coffee before I pack down the coffee maker