The Strangest Feeling

It is a small voice telling me something is wrong. Does not tell me exactly what though. I just want to hide. I crawl behind her leg. She can see that not everything is ok. She askes me. What is wrong? I don't know. My gut feeling is telling me something is wrong. I fall silent. The little voice tells me I am faking it. I wonder what 'it' is. All the obvious things it could be, I am not faking those. I don't tell her. It is too hard to explain. It can be taken so wrong. And it is so easy to loose what I have. Maybe this is what I am faking. I haven't told her much about the last two years. Maybe I am faking not being broken. I haven't told her about how screwed up last year was. How fucked up my head is. I haven't told her I don't believe in happy ever after. In love. Or maybe I am faking being strong. Her talking about us in four years time scare me. Even just next year scare me. I am scared, and I am afraid of telling her.

And ten Mel comes in, and we watch Out of Gas and Ariel


I know this is an odd one. The feeling still lingers. Don't know what to do. If I had only known what was causing it.
Oh and I am writing a long blog on the seven deadly sins and the seven heavnly virtues and why I am "only human". Interresting huh? I am having a sort of soul searching time writing it.