Concerts

So yeah. This fall I want to go see two of my favorite bands, they are both playing in Worcester MA. The bands are Nightwish and Sonata Arctica. Sonata Arctica are playing the 29th of September and Nightwish the 20th of October. Both Saturdays. Tickets are around 25 bucks and it's only a little over an hour from Smith. Anyone else wants to go?
And oh yeah a taste of the bands:
Nightwish just recently changed main vocalist, but here's an example, you want the four top ones.

News Update

Yeah. A fair bit of news. First and most important, the foal is here. Yep, my horse was expecting a foal and on thursday she gave birth to the most beautiful (ok, I might be slightly biased here) mare in the world. The name is most likly going to be Frigg. I personally like Brynja, but it is too close to Brynjar. And yeah both mother and child are great, they are currently outside eating. The foal's legs are almost as long as it's mother's, so it has to stand like a giraffe to reach the ground. The foal is extremely cute and the entire family is in love with it. The only one who is not happy is Mars, one of the cats, because suddenly he doesn't get all the attention anymore.

Nightwish has a new singer. Go check out www.nightwish.com . I personally quite like her, she is beautiful, even more than Tarja. And while her voice is not as strong (it is hard to beat an opera trained voice after all) it has character and she has not changed the bands sound, which is something I was really afraid of.

I saw Pirates 3 yesterday. There is one reason for seing it, Depp as Jack Sparrow. Ok, I'll give you that Orlando when he gets more piraty is quite a bit of eyecandy, and also the character of Will doesn't get on my nerves as much as he used to. I still dislike whats-her-face greatly, and her character is so bloody boring. And where the fuck did Elizabeth learn to fight like that? She's a English lady for christ shake, while she might now something fancy like fencing, she should not know how to fight the pirate way. And why the fuck was she become the *chough*? I wanna punch her. Anyway, Sparrow is great. Sparrow Senior played by Mr. Richards and Jack have some wonderful lines. And personally I even thought they looked similar. Jack the Monkey gets to play a lot more as well, and is really cute. And the first sequence with Jack Sparrow is just amazingly great. And yeah the opening...Just wow... That is when you realise that being a pirate was not always rum and women. The little kid singing chilled my bones. And I think I have managed not to spoil anything. Yay, go me.

I am learning how to play guitar, after years of believing that I can't, that I simply have no musical talent, I have decided to change that. My brother, who is a fairly good guitar player, is teaching me, though it is mostly just me training on my own. So far, 4 days in (and I didn't practise yesterday), I can do the opening of Nothing Else Matters. Not like a professional, but it's not bad. The reason why is that for my entire life I have been told, mainly by my mother, that I have no musical talent, and somehow now, with listening to R+, something clicked in my brain and I went "Fuck that, I'll show them". I might still not really have a musical talent, but that just means that I have to practise more to get it right. And for this I am willing to do so. I love music after all, and it has been bugging me for as far as I can remember that I can't sing or play anything. I have for fun been practising to play blind, at least the opening on Nothing else matters, because that part is very easy, and now I can instantly hear if I do something wrong. And for someone who (still) believes she is tonedeaf, at least impaired, that is big. Made me happy when I realised. I don't plan on becomming amazing, I don't think I have that in me, but I might get to average or maybe even good, if I practise enough.

R+ and Grades

So, my grades are out. I did not fail Chinese, that is pretty amazing. I was prepared for having to do another language. This means that I'll have to do my German on my own. Well, I can do that. Comp Sci and Econ: both B's, well that is what I get for being cocky... Doesn't matter now. But I am going to have to focus more on rasing my GPA next trem, it is too low. If I don't do this I won't get the grad school I want. So I am taking it easier next trem. Compsci 2, Chem intro, Physics for engineers, Circut theory (egr) and fencing. Only 18 credits. Compared to the 21 I did this term. Mm.. Yeah I'll become the über-nerd next trem, study and game and that is it. Maybe some poi for fun. I had my year of relaxing, now it is time to get back to the studies.

These days I am running on a Rammstein overdose. They are rapidly becomming one of my favorite bands, not like Nightwish, but just a step below. I blame it on Shadowrun. Gritty cyberpunk and InduMetal works very well together. And I have had a sweet stuff from our fave german bad boys fro years. Since I was 13 I think. Holy fuck, I have been liking this band for the last 7 years...Time flies. It was Du Hast that got me into them. I had just started learning German and was loving the fact that I got parts of the lyrics. So yeah, loads and loads of R+. Los is my new fave song, or almost. Wishmaster still wins that title.

Slaying the dreamer

"Blame me, it's me
Coward, a good-for-nothing scapegoat
Dumb kid, living a dream
Romantic only on paper
Tell me why you took all that was mine!
Stay as you lay - don't lead me astray!

You bastards tainted my tool
Raped my words,
played me a fool
Gather your precious glitter and leave me be
The Great Ones are all dead
And I'm tired, too
I truly hate you all!"
- Slaying the Dreamer by Nightwish

This rant was something I started thinking about while chating to Emmi earlier today, we have quite a lot of similar expiriences. When I need someone to talk to about stuff like this rant, I generally turn to Emmi, because I know she will understand the way only people with similar expiriences can. Thank you, Emmi.

Ever since since I started interacting with people who were not family (kindergarten), I have been told I wasn't good enough in some way or another. It started with not being as good in sports and games, the curse of being a fat kid, and then it was that I did not live where all the other kids did so I only saw them at school. Lastly, I have always been diffrent, my parents are not from the area so by definition I am not eighter, I was the only non christan kid (was acctually in a diffrent religion class for the first 4 years of my schooling because of this). Later it was that I was not atraktive enough, again the curse of being fat, then a few years after that, I simply had accepted that I was diffrent, I wasn't like them, I wasn't good enough for them, unless they needed someone who was good at school, but I never won any kind poplarity contest. Now I did have some good freinds, they were like me in some aspects, they wanted a good grade at school (yeah, where I live we live by janteloven "Don't think you are better than us, you're not"). I started playing the part of the freak, I played well. And then after four years of this, I went to Flekke, you know the story from there (While I found people like me, freinds for life, I still wasn't good enough).
Now we are talking some 12 years of being told I wasn't good enough, I wasn't someone they would play with. I acctually had the person I thought was my bestfreind say she did not want to be seen with me when we switched school, I was 13. After that many years you start to believe them, how can they really be wrong. And after all the rest of the world is not proving them wrong, look at any girl/womans magazine or tv soap, only the thin and pretty ones are wanted, and if you are not thin nobody wants you. And then when there is someone who tells you you are beautiful and they want you, you have problems believing them. Because the only way to survive was to accept that you are unatraktive. "It really sucks because sometimes people get tired of the insecurity it brings and then it kind of becomes a self fulfilling prophecy..Because it's not that we're not good enough, it's just that when we argue against the way they feel about us, they get tired since it seems like we don't want their love or that we don't believe them." -Emmi (I think this was the perfect wording for what I wanted to say).
I wish I could go back in time and smack my self and say don't believe them, things will get better. But then again, people have said that to me, Thomas and Danna to name some, and I found it hard to believe them, I would probably find it equally hard to believe myself.
And to people who have to live with people who have the same issues as I do: "I am sorry, I truly am. The last thing I want is to be a difficult person to live with, but I can't help it, after this many years I acctually do believe what they said. I truly am ashamed of the way I look and I do think I am unattraktive... I am sorry for being stiff and weird, I am just afraid of doing something wrong and not being good enough for you."


And for people who read this and think, who the hell is this and think this is not the Tonje I know, ever heard about stage persona? The first thing I do every morning is putting on my mask.

And a small note on the song, aside from being an awesome Nightwish song. It is how I feel about them, they did kill a part of me, the part of me that loves me, and I hate them for that.

Seelye at Night, dreams and work.

Thanks to everyone to droped me a line about the last post. And Vera, thanks to what you said yesterday the Meyer Brigg results (see below) made a lot of sense, I really am an introverted person.

Last Saturday I started in the Vampire larp we have here, it is called Arkham by Night (and we play in the Seelye building), after Lovecrafts work, yet it is pure vampire as far as I know. I play Sarah Lerke, a newly turned Mekhet. I am spending the downtime untill the 30th, really diggng into her brain and figuring out who she really is and how to play her. So far all I can share with the world is that she is a French born American, moved to Boston, where she was shired by a vampire called Markus, sometime in August '07. Since there are some trouble in Boston, her Shire told her to get out of town, she had no idea why untill she heard talk about it in Arkham. After some wandering around she ended up in Arkham city, where she was allowed to stay by the Prince. Personally I have some more ideas about her, that for obvious reasons can not be posted here, that would spoil the fun if any of my fellow players read it.

Last night I dreamt I meet the guys in Nightwish, now wouldn't that be fun if it were true.

Some of my freinds here complain that I am disapearing, well, the work load is a lot. Fair enough that I did the IB, but still, I am taking classes that are nothing like what I did before. There are two or more essays due every week. In chinese class we have tests every day. In reenacting I have to set my self into the mind of Lafayette. Really the only chill class is Advanced Calculus.

Return of the 52,0 and Nightwish consert.

Let's see, where to start? Over the last 5 days a lot have happened, I started travelling on wendsday at around 19.00 and arrvied home yesterday at 21. something. Longest travell I have ever done. But it depends on wether or not everything count as travelling, I spent 2,5 days at my uncle's close to Oslo. On friday I was to the 'Skools out' festival, apprently 4 bands is a festival, and saw Mohamed, Carburntors, Nightwish and Mötley Crüe. The two first are Norwegian bands of (in my veiw) okeey bands with a little to much pyro effects. Nightwish was great (They were the reason I was there), I still haven't really grasped the fact that I have seen them live yet. It was just....WOW. Mötley Crüe was a little bit to 80s for my taste, but cool anyhow.
I am back home now, and that means no more broadband. I am back to a 52.0 modem. I miss everyone back at school. I don't like it here. I rather be back in school with homework than here, I miss them so. I guess it is time to write long e-mails to them...